Tonight was a passover seder at out synagogue, and we where excited - possibly overexcited. We have celebrated passover for 4 maybe 5 years now, but have never attended one led by someone else, and have never had a chance to do so with a Jewish community. It felt very special to be able to go - the tickets at £25 a head where painful. Really painful - but we didnt have to pay for our daughter, and we decided it was important to go - and wanted to.
The late start was a struggle - i spent a lot of time trying to stop the whirlwind that is my daughter from eating food of the seder plate - their was a lack of wine on our table and not enough time to get more - a small thing i know but their is an obligation to get at least a little drunk on passover - or so has been my belife. Their was no grape juice for the non-drinkers - only apple juice which doesnt fit with the blessing for fruit of vine. The seder was cluncky - the food was terrrable - and the whirlwind was irretable. I tried to take her to a diffrent room to play with her for a bit and keep her calm, and some one came and hassled us even their and told us that our daughter should be sitting down quietly, they told me that they know my daughter is difficult but she did need to sit down.
At this point we left and went home, and had an omlette. It gone midnight and the family has gone to bed and i am sitting alone in the living room and i just want to cry. Some times i am happy to fight - but tonight i wanted to be a night about liberation - about freedom and it didnt feel like it was any of those things.